Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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