She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Randomize
