Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
