My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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