Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
