mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
babies were throwing up all over the place
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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