I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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