Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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