boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
