Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
