he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Randomize
