so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
