hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
