I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
