ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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