3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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