I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize