Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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