stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
