I just saw a hot homeless man
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize