Your face is a jimmy john
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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