got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
