You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
