I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I want you more than these girls want KFC
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
