Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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