And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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