First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
