What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
