my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize