I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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