My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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