i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
