Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
