I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
