so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
