Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
