Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
