well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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