I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
