I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
