Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
