I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
