somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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