it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
where are my eyebrows?
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