your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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