she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
