He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
