Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
