Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
