I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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