Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
