xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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