the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize