$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize