it's too hot outside to masturbate.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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