By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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