I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It's blow job season.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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