Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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