Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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