i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
