ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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