Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
