idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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