i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
