Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
